getting lost to find yourself (part one)

first of all:

all this:

made it into this:

now, onto the trip:

When I say "getting lost" I MEAN it! but let me start from the beginning.


(i did a little old-fashioned journaling from my camp site and at the Huddle House not far from the camp site... so here it is)
Sept 2, 2008- 6am- Nantahala Gorge
Something about the cool mountain air that really brings the puppy out in Elu, I mean, by no means is she ever an old lady, but WOW! she's running around like a crazy person.
We got the the gorge about 9:30 last night and set up camp at Wesser Creek, a spot that I have frequented in the past. Guess it's nice to start off a solo trip with a familiar spot. Read a little of Jack Kerouac's On the Road before bed and it got me all excited about "the west"!
What time does the sun rise? It's almost 6:30 and it's still dark. Guess I should look that up, but right now I'm ready for coffee and oatmeal... DAMMIT just kidding, I left the fuel canister in the car... what a dumb ass Guess we're just gonna pack up camp in the dark and go get breakfast at Waffle House.
8:00 somewhere off Hwy 28- Huddle House
got packed and off by 7:30 or so, now I'm sitting here waiting to get waited on. I've been here several minutes and not even a smile in my direction. This sucks, 'cause I'm starving! Just because I may look like a bum coming in here with a backpack and dirty clothes, does not mean that I don't have any money to spend here. That guy over there at the other table has food and he looks WAY more bum-town than I do. This pack happens to have my laptop and ipod in it and I didn't want to leave it in the car... GAH! Heeere we go... Let me mention how great it is (not that I have my coffee) to be able to smoke in a Huddle House in NC. Now I just need to get to a place with Wifi so that I might check emails and all that stuff.
So far it really hasn't clicked that I'm not just on vacation. I'm really not going to be back in Birmingham for a while... no more Birmingham

(here ends the old fashioned journaling... back to retrospective blogging)

SO now, the next day (seems like way longer than that) I'm sitting in a hotel room in Knoxville. But I digress:

After leaving the Huddle House I went to Asheville and parked my car downtown. Elu and I walked around the city center and window shopped. After an hour or so of wandering around downtown I called my cousin, Robert (whom by the way is a total badass and I'm really proud of him...) and went over to his house. Elu was very excited to get to play with his puppies, Cecelia and Maggie in their big backyard. While he dogs got acquainted, Rob and I rode our bikes (my bike seat fell off somewhere between the Nantahala and Asheville and Rob gave me one of his wife's old pink ones!!) into town and had lunch at Barley's. I had a local brewed beer and a slice of pizza, it was fabulous!! When we got back to their house, Karen was there and we spent a little time chatting and catching up before I took off for Boone.

Boone... (here's where the getting lost plays a role) I missed my turn for 221 into Boone and thought that it would be okay if I took 321, not the case. Mike told me I needed to get to the other side of Grandfather Mtn. he gave me directions to the best of his know-how and told me to pull over and ask for the rest, which I did- they were not very clear and long story short I drive past my turn about 15 miles, then turned around and missed it again by about 25 miles, then finally found a place to ask again- made it to meet Mike about an hour late and we finally got to the trail head at 6:30... with an hour left of daylight we booked it the 5 or so miles to the first camp site (we were hoping to go to the second). But the first camp site was very beautiful and we were able to swim a little before making a fire and eating dinner. Drank a bottle of wine from nalgene bottles and went to sleep by the river.

Woke up this morning and hiked the last 2 miles or so to the intended site and it was BEAUTIFUL. Elu swam and swam!!! She looks so cute in her little backpack!


We hiked back to the cars and I followed Mike into Boone. When I got in my car I noticed a light on on my dash that isn't supposed to be on "not good" I thought. We went to Mike's and ate some lunch, then he had to go to work, so Elu and I went into downtown Boone and walked around. After about an hour or so of walking, I decided that I didn't want to wait around for whenever it may be that Mike got off work and I'll just head to TN and get my car looked at in a bigger city. So off to Knoxville. I called Kelly, my sister, so get her to look up mechanics on the internet. She found me one and mapquested directions. My exit was 386B... well apparently the interstate is closed after 389. I must exit. So I ask for directions to US 129 and I'm on my way. Two hours later, I am about at the end of my rope calling Amanda to get in the internet and try and direct me. Phone dies. I think I may have cried a little. Stressed and tired I try to start finding a hotel room. Apparently it's not the easiest thing to get a room when you are traveling with an animal. After trying about 7 hotels, finally one is able to direct me to the Jameson, which will allow pets. So here I am. Phone is charged again and I am showered, about to hit the hay for the evening.

I"m going to get the car looked at first thing in the morning, hopefully it will not take too long, because I'd like to be in Colorado by the weekend (apparently STS9 is playing at Red Rocks and one of my friends is going. If I get there in time, I will be too). so I'm off to bed, to get a good night's sleep and get up early to head to the mechanic.

I'll be in touch!!

QUICK update...

I'm about to go eat lunch with my cousin Robert, just wanted to let everyone know that my first night of the journey was a success. Elu and I camped at Wesser Creek in the Nantahala Gorge, NC. It was very peaceful and comforting to spend my first night solo camping in a familiar place. The noises got to me a little more than usual, but Elu was there to protect me.... I will give a full-fledged update later.
right now, though, I'm hungry!

Car's packed, I'm ready to go...

I'll be in touch later and let you know how the trip is going.

She's only happy when it's raining

Apparently Faye has made her way to Birmingham. It's been raining for the better part of the night.

Lately I've become a bit of a night owl, I mean, I always have been. I prefer to sleep late and stay up late and although I know it's not really all that good for me, I don't really care. I like the night time. The only thing better than night time is night time with a good heavy rain beating down all around you.

As I sit here snuggled on the couch with my love, Elu, I have started to feel extremely nostalgic, if that's the emotion I'm looking for, maybe it's a little of hope mixed in with it. I know that rain can be a damper to several things, things I like to do, like be outside climbing and camping, etc. but much more than the fact that it can ruin certain human plans, it is a cycle of nature; one that we need. Rain is the beginning of new life, we need rain to give nutrients to the soil to help plants grow and plant life is just the beginning of the food chain, you know the rest: animals eat vegetation and so on and so forth, the cycle continues and life is sustained. Rain comes in more forms than just precipitation. Rain can come in your life too.

"Rain" can be a break-up, a change in job, anything where you feel like things are just crashing down around you... but if those things didn't crash down, like a giant tree in the rain forest, there would be no room for new growth in your life. Things have to come to an end in order for new things to start.

Like this move: There are people in my life, here in Birmingham that I am absolutely devastated to leave behind, but in order to fully grow and mature, I have to make room in my life. My life, metaphorically and literally is so very crowded with stuff. My house is crammed full of crap. Stuff that I don't need, stuff that I feel I need to hold onto forever, for no particular reason. Also my life is filled with emotional stuff. This town holds my entire life wrapped up in it's buildings, gutters, streets, residents, and even the smog. I have a memory of almost every major place in this town, everywhere I frequent holds my stories, both good and bad and most people I hang out with know the good bad and the ugly about me. For the most part it's very very comforting to be able to walk into a place that you know like the back of your hand and expect to see at least five people you know, and they know you. To be greeted by your first name when you walk in the door and asked about your day, as if people really care. In that respect, I'm terrified to leave this town. My mother is five blocks away if I ever need her, my best friends are 10 and 20 minutes from my house, and could be here at a moments notice if I needed them. When I move, I'll only know one person, and although she's a wonderful person, what if living out there she's the only person I'll ever make friends with?

Oh the what--ifs, I know I'll be fine, and if I'm not then I can come home, home's not going anywhere. But I know that I need to give myself some room to grow. It's time I venture out on my own, away from my comfort zone and let the proverbial (and hopefully some real) rain drops hit my face.

So I don't like to sing that old kids' song "rain rain go away." instead let's embrace the rain and see what new life pops up with the sun comes out.

today's project

the bathroom!

organizing and getting rid of make-up, old shampoo bottles, vitamins, meds etc.

WOW. who knew a bathroom could have so much stuff???

Desiderata

I have this friend. He's not a best friend, he's not a person who knows every detail about my life, but he always gets me... He's my go-to when my best friends are unavailable, pissing me off, or just not able to give me the insight that I'm looking for at the time (I mean NO disrespect to my best friends when I say this). He's really good at bringing me back to Earth and reminding me that the world is not against me, it's not all my fault, and no, Tricia, you don't suck! I've had many conversations with him about "life", if that's what we're calling it these days... After a recent breakdown he emailed me this, and I must say, it helps to read it... so here you go internet world... here is the Desiderata.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

http://www.fleurdelis.com/desiderata.htm

Update on me...

Sorry I haven't been updating the 'ole blog very much lately, I've been a mess.

I've been mainly trying to get all my crap together for this move, but in conjunction with that I've been blowing off a lot of much needed steam. Now, more than ever before I've been a regular at Baileys. I've been making new friends just to leave them in two weeks and I've been keeping my real friends at arms-length. I'm sure this has a lot to do with the fact that it's easier to leave the people I love if I go on and stop hanging out with them now, I know that's absurd, but must be what I'm feeling.

I woke up early today and Chris and I started cleaning the house and packing things in boxes and making a HUGE dent in the amount of things that has to be done at the house before I leave September 1. I've got four pile of stuff: one pile is the things that are going with me (a relatively small pile). Another pile of things that are going in storage for an undetermined amount of time, another pile that needs to be sub-piled into things that I will need to have shipped to me at different times, and the last pile is things to give away.

I've decided against the garage sale in its formal sense, but I am selling things to friends here and there, mainly big stuff, but also little nick knack kinds of things, so if any one's in the market for anything from a king-sized bed, bedroom suite down to coasters, let me know I've got them.

Okay, back to cleaning and packing and them making some dinner, I plan to reward my hard work with a tasty adult beverage at Bailey's later...