Magical, Mystical Mind of Trish

I had an interesting conversation in the hot tub the other night. The woman I was talking to lives here and was very interested to find out my "story." Mostly the story about how I ended up in Jackson Hole. My simple answer is always: "Broken engagement and I decided I was tired of being responsible." Both true, both also very vague. The next question is always, "but why Jackson?" That to me is the answer. Jackson Hole... it just made sense.

But WHY JACKSON?

Jackson is surrounded by mountains. Beauty on every corner. Friendly people (for the most part). Jackson is a playground year round. And when the going gets tough in Jackson, you're not too far from some other really cool playgrounds. All of these very rational reasons to choose a place to live.

The funny thing is I had never been here. I had not really even seen pictures so much... I didn't move out here with a group of friends. The only real thing I was going on was that Lola said I would love it here. Lola is a friend of the families; I barely knew her personally. It all just fit together. I was moving to Jackson Hole. I would stay with Lola for a month or so and get a job and make friends and make a life. I did.

However, tonight I started to get the impression that maybe Jackson Hole is the one doing the methodical choosing of her residents. There are some interesting stories about how people ended up in JH. I know a guy whose van broke down here twenty-five years ago. I know a woman who was planning on moving to Oregon, made a pit stop here and stayed, Uhaul in tow. I get the feeling that this area- whatever you want to name it- is a magical place that chooses its residences with careful planning.

Jackson Hole is a vacation spot for most people. Tourism is our biggest industry- Jackson brings in 3 to 4 million people a year, yet has a population of roughly 8,600 (town limits). How is it that more people don't just stay?

My only guess is that it has to to with the type of people. The people that visit range from cross-country, RV-driving retirees to families of six to young professionals to spring breakers. (I'm going to generalize and stereotype here) A lot of tourists, in the winter months especially, are über rich professionals from back east. I'm willing to bet that the money is what keeps them in their home towns. The money, the glitz, the cars, the wardrobes, the fancy restaurants (which we do not lack here, but you get my point). The "city folk" stay in the city because it's what they need to survive.

Those of us that end up in Jackson Hole, are polar opposites to the "city folk." Speaking for myself, and quite possibly the rest of the population of this valley: We need big spaces, open air, mountains, fresh air and water... we need adventure!!

I think that this valley knows that in some way... it draws people like me, and Josh and Brandi and Scherba and Steiner and.... it draws us in. There is some mystical, cosmic force. And I am GLAD it found me!

Balance...

 I grew up dancing. My mother always made fun of me that I had fantastic balance as long as I was dancing, but as soon as I stepped off the dance floor, I fell over.  I have fantastic physical balance.  I can stand on one foot for hours, I can center my body over whichever limb I need to to keep from falling over.  

Emotionally, I am not so balanced.  I am dedicating this summer to finding balance in my life.  I have ups and downs. A lot. Rarely is everything just normal. It's either AWESOME! or ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE. I am looking for things to be on a more even keel.  

I am a super-sensitive person.  I take other's emotions and hardships and internalize them as my own.  I take my own short comings and problems and amplify them to a point where my life is over!  Mom always told me I should be an actress because I am uber dramatic! It's not that I try to be overly dramatic... I just really think that things are that bad. I have taken up meditation and it really seems to be helping. I just need to get in the habit of meditating even when (and especially when) everything is fine.  It's like preventative medicine. You have to do it even when you don't think you need it.  It builds up in your (emotional) system and helps to BALANCE you all the time.  If you start out balanced, when things get off kilter, it's a lot easier to fix.  Mental Maintenance, if you will. 

SO, my self-improvement project for the summer is to get my life in a constant state of balance- Zen.  

I'll let you know how it works out. 

Insomnia

Sometimes it sucks to be me... right now is definitely one of those times.

I have to work at 6:30 tomorrow. This is not usually a problem; I like working the morning shifts.  

The problem lies in the fact that it is 12:33 AM and I cannot sleep.

Why? Because I am a thinker.

Being a THINKER has it's ups and downs.  Generally, I enjoy escaping into my own little world and waxing philosophical about life, love the pursuit of happiness.  My head is a haven from the rest of the world.  My overactive imagination is actually one of my favorite qualities about myself. Sometimes, though, it comes and bites me in the ass! 

Thinking leads to more thinking.  One little iota of an idea grows and grows into this entire metropolis of things that could happen or should have happened or did happen.  YIKES!! 

Tonight's train of thought has led me to a list.  A list I think I will share with you.  Here, my dear readers, is a list of things I want in life: (beware of sub-categories)

1- a career

-that has a future

-that has benefits

-that I enjoy doing everyday

-(I tried and tried to come up with examples of actual careers I wanted to have, and I honestly DO NOT KNOW... and this is a terrible feeling). 

2- a significant other 

-who has a career they enjoy

- who wants a future (preferably with me)

-who also wants the same things on this list

3- to Travel 

-and to have the means to do it right

-a significant other to join me would me a huge bonus

-to live in another country for at least three months 

4- to one day own land

-5+ acres

-a veggie garden

-custom-design my home on that land

5- to one day own my own business

-a cafe/bar

-a sustainable and eco-friendly policy

-local and home-grown veggies! 

6- to learn how to be completely self-sufficient

-financially

-emotionally

-environmentally (ie: solar panels and water wheels)

7- to hone my creative side

-write a book

-learn how to solder silver

-become a better photographer 

There are not a lot of things on this list. I feel fairly confident I can accomplish over 75% in my lifetime and at least one in the next two years. (I'll keep you posted)

So now, at 1AM, I am going to hope that my list making has calmed my brain enough so that I might catch 40 winks- or whatever the phrase is.   

My "feminist agenda"

I went out to dinner with Sarah the other night. It was a very nice dinner, we had a beer and split a bison burger at the pub. After dinner, her friend Patrick came to join us.  Now, I do not get along with Pat's roommate Davis very well, because of my so-called "feminist agenda." And apparently I do not get along wit Pat for the same reasons.  Pat started in on the fact that I'm single.  He kept telling me I needed to lighten up, stop being so uptight about dating, just go out with someone.  He basically told me to stop being so "feminist" and "girl-up" my actions so that I "fit" what a "man" was looking for. (Did I mention Pat was 22??)  

If you haven't gathered a few things about me from reading/knowing me, I am these things:

1- a woman

2- a woman who believes in gender equality

3- a woman who does not think that she should "dumb herself down" so that a man is not intimidated. 

4- an independent woman

Now, it has taken A LONG TIME and a LOT of heart break, misery, pain and confusion to come to this conclusion:

I can wait on the perfect person.

I have had to learn how to be alone these past few months and, you know what, it's awesome! I can take care of my own needs and not have to worry about anyone else (except Elu).  If I'm not happy about something, I can fix it. I  am the sole person responsible for my happiness.  

I will not change who I am so that I can be liked, or even loved.  I will sit here patiently and wait until I find that person who likes and eventually loves me for who I am not in spite of who I am.  In the mean time I will be the token single girl at all the parties, I will go home alone (to my dog) and I may be a tad grumpy from time to time, but who isn't!?!? 

Now, on to some other points I would like to make on my "feminist agenda"

1- I think it is HORRIBLE to hear men call other men "bitch" or "vagina" when inferring the other man is a wimp. By calling a man a vagina as an insult, they are implying that women are lesser, weaker, worthy of insult.  I will call a man on this EVERY TIME!

2- Men are not "in charge" of "their women." In fact I do not like the idea that when dating someone, you become "their woman." Women are NOT PROPERTY. 

3- When men say they are intimidated by certain women (like myself) it is either a- a bull shit excuse for not making a move or b- a red flag saying that he wants someone he can control and would rather not have to deal with the challenge of "taming the shrew"

Okay, I'll get off my soap box now.  I just wanted to share some things that have been grating at my nerves. I feel better now, thanks for listening!!! 

By the way: dictionary.com says

fem⋅i⋅nism

  [fem-uh-niz-uhm]–noun

1.	the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

2.	(sometimes initial capital letter) an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.

3.	feminine character. Doesn't sound like a bad thing to me, does it to you?

Hey Guys!!!

 

I have had some serious blogger's block! I have several unposted "drafts" on my posting list.  All existential l crap.  I've been "woe is me," and "what am I doing with my life?" and stuff.  The Blogs may or may not get posted... we'll see if I can muddle through the stream of consciousness mumbo jumbo and make something meaningful and interesting.  

ANY WHO!  Here's some goings on...

I got my hair cut.  I have been thinking about it for a while now and FINALLY decided that identity crisis number one is SOLVED... for now. 

Just for shits and giggles, let's explore a couple of years of Hair Do's.

 there's the long and straight circa December 2005

there's the really long and straight December 2008

the brief "hippie" stint of last summer/fall....

then back to the long and straight.... 

:::I would like to comment on the fact 3 out of 4 pictures I am drinking- I do not really drink that much it just so happens that the only time I am ever on the receiving end of a picture is when my friends are drunk. The rest are all self portraits; most are less than flattering.  I only post pictures of myself where I look good.  I am vain like that. I do not want the public to see me with four to eight chins... which happens. so. in conclusion, don't judge me. Thank you::::

AND, now ladies and gentlemen, without further ado....  I give you the new and improved Patricia Ann Ireland. 

It's funny how I move to the biggest bum town in the country (where, by the way, women apparently find it acceptable to go the the bar in sweatpants) and discover that I am, in fact, a girly girl. 

GASP!!!!!!!!!! I totally hear ya.  I NEVER thought it would happen either. Part of me is ashamed that I have become the girl I used to make fun of. BUT, I have discovered, that I am a lot happier when I look pretty.  It's not a vanity thing (well maybe a little), but when I get all dressed up and made up, I feel better. I'm sure there is a psychology on it somewhere, I'll look it up for you later. Regardless.  I am a bona-fide girly girl. And I'm totally fine with it. I am still me, and I will still get dirty and play in the woods, climb rocks and throw snowballs at people.   However I am making a point when I am not in the woods to look nice. It makes every experience more fun.  I am even putting makeup on before the 6am shifts. Woa!

In other news, my favorite little husky pup is doing well.  She's been running alongside Mommy taking bike rides almost every day.  She has played ball in the park.  We have been on Puppy Rides to see Aunt Lola.  Elu loves Jackson very much, and really doesn't want to leave. She has made neighborhood friends, even snuck out in the middle of the night to be a rebellious teenager with the 'hood.  She's brought friends home. Here's a picture of my little pre-teen in what is likely to be the last year I can dress her like a little girl for Easter.... 

Elu says I love you and I hope you had a Happy Easter!!! 

Well, more to come later... I'll let you absorb these things for a day or two.  Smooches!! 

Cabin Fever

I have figured out what it is... this thing that won't go away in my head.  This feeling of grumpiness and depression, sleeping all the time, crying without warning.  It's totally CABIN FEVER!  I haven't seen the sun in days, it's cold and everyone is leaving town for the off season.  

The Internet is my only salvation.  I'm actually glad I'll be working a lot.  At least I'll be out of the house. I just NEED to see grass! I NEED Vitamin D, I NEED to go on a walk without having to wear layers of clothes.  I want to feel the wind on my face without feeling like it's about to freeze off! I want to go to these places:

 

Instead I'm knee deep in snow here in Winter Wonderland!!!

That is why right now, I am vowing to save up my money so at this time next year I can go to Mexico.  Anyone want to save money for Mexico with me??? 

On a lighter note, I'm going snowboarding today.  It's the last week the mountain is open and I figured, hey, why not!! But after today I'm going to find a really neat-o spot in the shed to put my board and I'm hanging it up until next winter! I'm going to get my bathing suits out and spray on some self tanner and hang out in my living room listening to Jimmy Buffet while sippin' Mojitos (my Daddy would be so proud). 

Friends

friends are really hard to come by.  I sat down and did an inventory of my friends out here.  Sarah and Evan, Raci and Theo,Steve and Sarah and Lola.  Now that seems like a good amount of friends, right.  Well if you will pay closer attention: six of those friends are coupled off.  So whenever we do go out all together, I'm the seventh wheel.  Lola, I love her to death, rarely goes out... so she's my sit around and watch television buddy... which everyone needs!

All this is a new phenomenon to me.  I've been stable in the same spot up until now.  I have had friends and family galore. So much I was getting sick of them being around all the time (no offense guys... this is a metaphor).  But my point is, I've never had a lack of people to spend time with.  If I felt like I needed to get out of the house, I had a list of people I could call, and if all else failed, I knew that if I went to Bailey's (I'm not a big solo bar patron, but this was totally different)  I would run into at least someone I liked to hang out with.  

It's hard being in a (relatively) new place and making friends.  It's especially hard making girlfriends in a town where there are very few women.  And it appears, all the women have boyfriends.  Bottom line is, it's hard to meet people when you're already grown.  I'm not looking for a best friend, I have one of those 1800 miles away, I just want someone to hang out with and see a movie with and occasionally go out on the town with.  This girl can only be a homebody for so long before she starts to go insane. 

All that being said, I'm so ready fro SUMMER!!!  I can take the dog out on long hikes and not worry about getting cold or snowed in.  I can go camping and climbing again! Hell, I can go tubing on the creek from my house into "downtown" Jackson! Fishing and hot springs and FUN FUN FUN!!! 

Okay, I'm off to work now. Have a good one! 

I'm okay...

I'm back in Jackon.

I'm okay.

Just going through some stuff. I'll be back soon.

Lent

Minutes until Ash Wednesday.  I sit here, in bed, typing and chowing down on a Turkey Wrap.  In 15 minutes I will put down the Turkey Wrap and the Bacon Cheeseburger and the Sausage Pizza and the Steak Sandwich for 40 days.

Ah Lent. Honestly, it's my favorite Religious Observance.   The Episcopalian observance of Lent (because that's all I've ever practiced) is the act of giving up something in your life that you love, or do on a regular basis- a sacrifice if you will.  More often than not it is a food.  I assume mimicking the Fast that Jesus was on while in the Wilderness.  (FYI just finished the Turkey, so although it may be past midnight when I post this, it is now 11:49pm) So, this year I am giving up Meat.  For 40 days I will be a vegetarian again.  

 I am also embarking on a spiritual journey involving mind and body in the form of a cleanse.  The Cleanse that I have opted to go on is 30 days long.  So I will start Lent by simply being vegetarian.  After ten days of no meat, I will then cut out most dairy, refined sugars and wheat.  In addition to a limited diet, I will be taking fiber, mineral and vitamin supplements twice a day.  The goal is to get rid of the toxins in my body from processed foods and meats.  The Cleanse will be a test of my strength.  I will need to seek help from a Higher Power.  I might be a little mean to people =). But I am confident that I can do it.  This Cleanse has serious benifits to one's health and emotional/spiritual well being.  When the body is toxic, energy cannot be released , and no energy can be received. The soul then starts to feel stagnant and trapped.  It's like having a fish in a dirty fish bowl.  Then when you flush out the murky water, the fish is free to move about and breathe.  

I look forward to clearing blocked energy.  In addition to the dietary changes, I will be meditating daily.  It is, after all, a time of somber reflection.  

new post below...

Speaking you mind really does work!

This past week has been an emotional roller coaster at work.  Seeing as my job is pretty much the main part of my life, I feel that it is important to be happy while at work. I LOVE my job!!! It is pretty much the PERFECT job for me.  It's social and I am kept busy.  I joke with my regulars that it's like being a bartender without all the drunks.  I stand behind the Tonic Bar, making smoothies and juices and mixing up Elixir cocktails and serving coffees while chatting up regulars and one-time customers all the same.  I repeat: I love my job!!

However this past week has been a trial.  We've had some issues with scheduling and some people not coming to work on time, not showing up at all, etc.  Jessa, my manager, did what she needed to do- put me to work at the times when no one wants to work, because, well, I'll show up.  At first I just kind of took it, didn't say anything more than "I'm really bummed, I thought I was getting weekends off." She looked at me and sighed, saying that it was pretty much the only way the schedule would work. Okay, that's fine. I don't want to make waves.  Well. the newest Tonic Bar Hottie (I didn't name us that, someone else did and I'm going with it), Evan, had a different idea.  While I was training her, I also was getting to know Evan. We were chatting and I was venting. Normally if I just vent enough, I get over it. Well, to Evan, venting isn't good enough. You have to actually say what you want to say TO the person you want to say it to. What a NOVEL idea!!! 

SO I had a little break down. Crying, in the bathroom, to Jessa.  She assured me that I was not being taken for granted, that she sees all the work I've been doing, that she notices that I love my job and work hard when I'm there etc etc etc. I felt better at least knowing that. 

Well, yesterday I was at work and Jessa brought me the schedule for February, asked me to put it in the Tonic Bar book. (this book, ya'll has everything. if we lost this book the Tonic Bar would shut down for lack of knowing what the hell is going on). So I took it from her, she walked away and I looked at it. I put the "back in 5 minutes" sign out, strolled over to the Natural Care department, (the other department that Jessa manages) and gave her a huge hug. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! She said you're welcome and thank YOU for all the hard work!

So, ladies and gentleman, I now have a set schedule of: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday!!!! (in these hard economic times we are only getting 30 hours a week, but hey! that's better than no job right)  AND all three days that I have off are WEEKEND days!!!! which means:

I CAN LEARN TO SNOWBOARD FINALLY!!!!!  and maybe have a little fun out on the town, like a single gal in her (gasp) late twenties should!

So, it's Friday, and I'm off today. it's 15 degrees outside and the Village got 3 inches of new snow last night.  I might just have to go out there. OR I'm going to go to Lola's and hang out with her... I'll let you know. 

Existential Thoughts for the New Year

I have become an avid blog reader.  It started with my friend Alison's, blog and from there I discovered Lindsey's, and from there Elizabeth's and so on and so on.  Now I've become an outsider peering into the lives of all these women, all my age, all women I've known since we were just girls, leading insanely different lives.  Alison lives in New York, has an amazing career and is pursuing her dreams.  Lindsey still lives in Birmingham, near her family and has created a large loving family of her own.  Elizabeth and her husband live in DC and just had their first child. 

It's strange to me how four women, all raised within a few miles of each other turn out so differently.  With the exception of Alison, all our parents knew each other.  I used to spend the night at all of their houses and talk of the days when we would be adults.  My how my plan for myself is not what I had laid out.  I am not really even sure what I thought was going to become of my life, but I know that never in my wildest dreams did I think I was going to be living in Jackson, Wyoming digging my car out of the snow to go to work in a Tonic Bar! It's funny how life leads you in directions you never expected.  It's funny how even when you're there, you're not sure how you got there, or where you're going next.  I made plans and fantasized about my adult life when I was a child, and now I'm reflecting and waxing nostalgic about being a child- (when will we ever be happy and content with what we have RIGHT NOW ? )

I love reading about my old friends.  I love knowing that their lives are going in directions that make them happy.  I love knowing that I have no idea where mine is taking me. I hope that this new year will take me in directions that are exciting and new, as well as directions that will stretch my mind and help me to grow.  Maybe ten years from now you'll be reading my blogs about my children, maybe you'll be reading my blogs about my travels on my sailboat, maybe you'll be reading blogs about both- who knows! But I can tell you, that whatever you read from me in the future will be an adventure and I will be happy!

She's only happy when it's raining

Apparently Faye has made her way to Birmingham. It's been raining for the better part of the night.

Lately I've become a bit of a night owl, I mean, I always have been. I prefer to sleep late and stay up late and although I know it's not really all that good for me, I don't really care. I like the night time. The only thing better than night time is night time with a good heavy rain beating down all around you.

As I sit here snuggled on the couch with my love, Elu, I have started to feel extremely nostalgic, if that's the emotion I'm looking for, maybe it's a little of hope mixed in with it. I know that rain can be a damper to several things, things I like to do, like be outside climbing and camping, etc. but much more than the fact that it can ruin certain human plans, it is a cycle of nature; one that we need. Rain is the beginning of new life, we need rain to give nutrients to the soil to help plants grow and plant life is just the beginning of the food chain, you know the rest: animals eat vegetation and so on and so forth, the cycle continues and life is sustained. Rain comes in more forms than just precipitation. Rain can come in your life too.

"Rain" can be a break-up, a change in job, anything where you feel like things are just crashing down around you... but if those things didn't crash down, like a giant tree in the rain forest, there would be no room for new growth in your life. Things have to come to an end in order for new things to start.

Like this move: There are people in my life, here in Birmingham that I am absolutely devastated to leave behind, but in order to fully grow and mature, I have to make room in my life. My life, metaphorically and literally is so very crowded with stuff. My house is crammed full of crap. Stuff that I don't need, stuff that I feel I need to hold onto forever, for no particular reason. Also my life is filled with emotional stuff. This town holds my entire life wrapped up in it's buildings, gutters, streets, residents, and even the smog. I have a memory of almost every major place in this town, everywhere I frequent holds my stories, both good and bad and most people I hang out with know the good bad and the ugly about me. For the most part it's very very comforting to be able to walk into a place that you know like the back of your hand and expect to see at least five people you know, and they know you. To be greeted by your first name when you walk in the door and asked about your day, as if people really care. In that respect, I'm terrified to leave this town. My mother is five blocks away if I ever need her, my best friends are 10 and 20 minutes from my house, and could be here at a moments notice if I needed them. When I move, I'll only know one person, and although she's a wonderful person, what if living out there she's the only person I'll ever make friends with?

Oh the what--ifs, I know I'll be fine, and if I'm not then I can come home, home's not going anywhere. But I know that I need to give myself some room to grow. It's time I venture out on my own, away from my comfort zone and let the proverbial (and hopefully some real) rain drops hit my face.

So I don't like to sing that old kids' song "rain rain go away." instead let's embrace the rain and see what new life pops up with the sun comes out.

Something is Outta Whack in the Universe...

Is everyone doing okay?

I feel like there's been a lot of turmoil in a very short amount of time. It may have something to do with the Solar Eclipse yesterday. While surfing around the net just now, for links to include in this post, I found some more information on this here.

now I just have to get my chart and figure out what this all means! =)



by the way this is my horoscope for the month *from the same site above*:

Pisces—Its you against the world, dear Pisces, as you sing “I’ve Got To Be Me” and everyone else disagrees. Bosses, spouses, children, friends and lovers all want something different from you than what you want to give. Whether you stand firm (unlikely) or put on your chameleon colors to blend into the background, you are likely to feel stressed at this turn of events. Meditate, do yoga, take deep cleansing breaths. This too shall pass.

WOW! kinda scary how my entire month-long horoscope pretty much was my feelings yesterday. SO maybe I'll be good for the rest of the month?

How did everyone else emotionally do with the eclipse?

I'll let you know what becomes of my chart!

PS_ whether or not you believe in this is totally up to you, and I know that there's a lot quack-like things about this pseudoscience, BUT it's interesting and fun to me to play around with and I think that the way the planets line up and pull and the magnetic energy that comes from that could quite possibly have an affect on people. I'm much more prone to believe the research on bio-rhythms. but i understand if you think I'm nuts.

I read somewhere… how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong… but to feel strong.

that's a quote from Alexander Suptertramp (Christopher McCandless) from the book/movie into the Wild.

I think it's quite fitting right now.

I am not going to lie. I'm scared to death about the move- TERRIFIED

What if I don't make friends, what if I can't get a job, what if (worst of all) I fail?!?!

I guess it's a really good thing that I get off on adrenaline... 'cause the more scared I get and the more butterflies that appear in my belly, the more pumped up I get.

Once I remember getting my nose bent out of shape that I was having a really bad day and no one bothered to ask me what was wrong. When I said something to my friend about no one noticing that I might need a shoulder, she commented "I had no idea, you seem totally put together," at that point I broke down crying, "I am NOT put together, I'm a mess!"

"well, you had us all fooled," she responded.

SO, my question is, by hiding my not-so-happy feelings from the world am I being genuine? or am I being strong. If I believe that I am strong, does that make me strong? If I believe that I can do anything, does that mean that I really can?

aside: just got a call about my house, so maybe the universe is on my side...

back to existential thought:

Can I do this? I really think I can! I really think that I am strong enough to do this: to leave my "comfort zone" and venture out on my own, scary as it may be to be far away from the people that have always been there to back me up (i know they still will be, just not physically there) I KNOW in my heart, that I'm going to be okay. And when I return to Birmingham one day, I will be able to stand on my own two feet and be my own person.

I feel strong, so I must actually be strong...

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. - Mahatma Gandhi

I have hit a wall. Emotionally.



I have lost it.


I need to find it again.






This move to Jackson could not come at a better time in my life. Soul searching is a necessity. I'm hoping that a week spent with my family far away from all the drama in Birmingham will help kick-start some me time.




self reflection time.




I want to learn how to meditate. I think that it would be a very good thing for me to do. In the book Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about her journey to finding herself. She went across the world, I'm going across the country. She spent three months in Italy concentrating on pleasure, self indulgence, doing what she wanted when she wanted... I've pretty much been doing that for the past three months here in Birmingham (although I think she may have more self control than I). Then she spent three months in India focusing on internal peace and religion. She stays at an Ashram and spends her days devoting her life to a higher power.







This is the next step in my journey. I need to find something that I can really believe in and get behind. I'm having trouble doing that with the church. I am not entirely interested in organized, political religion. I just want to find God again. So, here's my wall. I have all these toxic emotions running through my soul. My energy is bad. I need a cleansing and a new beginning. I would love to find a Guru.



Okay, so just to round out the explanation of the book: after three months devoting her life to another, higher power, Elizabeth goes to Indonesia to try and find a balance between the two: pleasure and devotion.



but I still need to get through step 2 first. Back to basics:





I'm having a garage sale: cleansing myself of all that is the past. I'm getting rid of all of it. (well, most all of it, things that I don't want to get rid of are going in storage) But downsizing into a car, will really help me come to terms with the fact that I don't NEED ALL THIS STUFF.



I don't NEED to have all the latest toys. I don't NEED things.




I have a shopping compulsion. I like to spend money that I don't have on things I don't need. Living out of my car and living on the cheap is going to be a HUGE challenge for me, and I think (I really really hope) it will ground me some.



Second, I'm hoping that the nature tour 08 will help me rediscover God. This country is going to shit. but when you get away from all the politics, the TV, the computer (yeah right, I'll still be blogging when I can) and the cell phones and the over-all plugged-in-ness that bombards us everyday, hopefully there will be room for God again.




my minimalist portion of the journey will only last a month, not all of us have the luxury of hiding in India to reach enlightenment, but then when I arrive in Wyoming, I will have cleansed and lived. Maybe I will be able to find balance.





Here's hoping...