(this was written several days ago... I was just able to get around the internet where I can publish it)
I came to Birmingham on March 6th. The day after my birthday. I arrived at 8:30 pm after an all-day adventue of flying. Luckily, this time, I was able to fly out of Jackson Hole Airport. On Thursday, March 5th, 2009 William Reynolds Ireland, Sr left his body, and this earth in seek of the heavenly and divine.
I've been in a whirlwind of family and friends of my grandfather. I have been proper and eloquent to those involved, I have worn heels for three days. I am exhausted. I haven't wrapped my mind around the whole thing yet. There was some time of preparation, where I pretty much knew it was coming. When I got the phone call on Thursday night, I already had my plane ticket to leave on Friday- I had been moving into my house and not had a day off to do it. I managed to get a little reflection time in on the plane- but for the most part the anticipation of being home and being with family that I just KNEW I was going to burst into tears when I got there. I squeezed out a tear or two as I peeked out of the plane window into the clouds. Then I landed. I literally, hit the ground running. Not a tear. I have been surrounded by people I love. I felt great. We laughed and giggled, told jokes, told ancedotes of old. Everyone is leaving tomorrow. Most left today, things are about to calm down. I am fortunate enough to get to stick around.
I can't say that life is "getting back to normal," like one would normally feel after a major time-consuming event in our lives. . Things aren't ever "back to normal." After the death of a loved one, nothing is ever the same again. No matter how far away you are from someone... when they aren't there anymore, well, it's just not normal. But I am looking forward to some reflection time. And I'm at home to do it. I made a break for it this evening, to go spend some time with a non-family member that means a lot to me. We did nothing, but watch some sitcoms on television and hung out and talked... it was very nice. Then I started home. It's late, so there were very few cars out and about. Plus it's a Monday night. My route home is one of my favorite drives in the country. Even though it was dark, I could see grass and trees along the road the whole way. There's one stretch of road that is reminiscent to a canopy- the trees are so grand and close to the road that they reach up high, to hive five their buddies on the other side. I have been conditioned to watch out for wildlife on the roads; I am a very cautious driver. There's something therapeutic about driving. When you Meditate, you are supposed to concentrate on your breathing to the point that you can't think of anything else, forcing your mind to clear itself. For me driving does the same thing. By concentrating on keeping my speed at 55 miles an hour, keeping my car in between the lines and listening to music. My brain is forced to to chill out. There's so many things to keep track of in there! And sometimes it just goes into overdrive, because memories get recalled and shoved into the conciousness. I get caught on a runaway train of thought, and have no idea how I have manged to THINK of so many things, in the matter of 5 minutes.
Aside: I often have a very hard time blogging because of these things. I know that my stream of consciousness style of thinking often rubs off into my blogging- because I'm generally just digitally thinking then I blog. SO I TRY really hard to not write in stream of consciousness- becuase I think it might be too confusing for the reader. I am actually typing this in word (styaing where this is no internet) I will save the blurb, copy and bast it onto my web site, no doubt edit it for spelling, and then I'll sit down and rearrange the paragraphs making the jumbled information from my head, appear to be coherent thoughts for you to read.
Anyway, tonight was a night where I noticed how memorizing driving can be. I actually stop thinking. I concentrate on nothing but driving, and in turn, clear my head. It is possible to do this with other people in the car, but it is a more advanced form of driving meditation, that I have not entirely reached- I will let you know when i become a driving Yogi.