Monday, December 29, 2008

Existential Thoughts for the New Year

I have become an avid blog reader.  It started with my friend Alison's, blog and from there I discovered Lindsey's, and from there Elizabeth's and so on and so on.  Now I've become an outsider peering into the lives of all these women, all my age, all women I've known since we were just girls, leading insanely different lives.  Alison lives in New York, has an amazing career and is pursuing her dreams.  Lindsey still lives in Birmingham, near her family and has created a large loving family of her own.  Elizabeth and her husband live in DC and just had their first child. 

It's strange to me how four women, all raised within a few miles of each other turn out so differently.  With the exception of Alison, all our parents knew each other.  I used to spend the night at all of their houses and talk of the days when we would be adults.  My how my plan for myself is not what I had laid out.  I am not really even sure what I thought was going to become of my life, but I know that never in my wildest dreams did I think I was going to be living in Jackson, Wyoming digging my car out of the snow to go to work in a Tonic Bar! It's funny how life leads you in directions you never expected.  It's funny how even when you're there, you're not sure how you got there, or where you're going next.  I made plans and fantasized about my adult life when I was a child, and now I'm reflecting and waxing nostalgic about being a child- (when will we ever be happy and content with what we have RIGHT NOW ? )

I love reading about my old friends.  I love knowing that their lives are going in directions that make them happy.  I love knowing that I have no idea where mine is taking me. I hope that this new year will take me in directions that are exciting and new, as well as directions that will stretch my mind and help me to grow.  Maybe ten years from now you'll be reading my blogs about my children, maybe you'll be reading my blogs about my travels on my sailboat, maybe you'll be reading blogs about both- who knows! But I can tell you, that whatever you read from me in the future will be an adventure and I will be happy!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Yeah, Winter's here!

Forecast calls for cold, snow and limited hours of daylight.  

Whew!!!! This southern belle is OUT OF her element!!! 

Wish me luck =)

36-Hour Forecast







Tomorrow Night

Stay Warm on the Links

Snow Showers Late


3° F




Mostly cloudy skies this evening. A few snow showers developing late. Low 3F. Winds SW at 10 to 15 mph. Chance of snow 30%.

Snow Shower


19° F




Occasional snow showers. High 19F. Winds SW at 10 to 15 mph. Chance of snow 40%. About one inch of snow expected.

Stay Warm on the Links

Snow Shower


12° F




Variably cloudy with snow showers. Low 12F. Winds SSW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of snow 50%. 1 to 3 inches of snow expected.

Sunset: 4:53 PM

Sunrise: 7:55 AM

Sunset: 4:54 PM

Get more forecasts:  



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Dec 26

Snow Showers Late




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Few Snow Showers




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(New Post Below)

Thursday, December 25, 2008

How to Have Christmas in a hotel room

In Jackson, the motels and hotels often rent out rooms by the month throughout the winter.  Jeff is currently residing in one of the aforementioned hotel rooms: which is where I am spending Christmas this year.  After several hours of sitting around and staring at each other/the television, we decided to go to the grocery store. Here are some hints to live out of, and eat out of a hotel room:

first of all, you will need a few things:
1- microwave- I used to hate the idea of a microwave, but desperate times...
2- a large toaster oven, with bake, broil and toast settings
3- a Coleman stove

4- mini fridges help

When shopping, do your best to find things that are pre-cooked. The deli section of the grocery store is your best friend. 
Always buy for the amount of people you have- and dogs. 
Use what you have! When you're in a small space, you want to make sure to use up what you have leftover and not over-buy- otherwise you will be wasting a lot of food.

This year our Christmas consists of:
Cornbread stuffing casserole
Green beans
creamed corn
Deviled Eggs 
cranberry sauce
and Pumpkin Pie

see it's not all that different than your mom's Christmas dinner, just on a smaller scale and a little "ghetto-fied

The Ham and Pie we bought pre-cooked/made for us.  However, we put together and baked the casserole and boiled the eggs for deviling.  

The cranberry sauce, as it should be, came out of a can.  


And I'm sure you're wondering why we just didn't go out to eat, here's why:

Monday, December 22, 2008


I woke up this morning to 12 inches of new snow! Which is totally awesome and also a HUGE pain in the ass. I literally had to dig my car out of the snow. Be sure and check out the webcam today- you can't see much for all the snow! (actually make sure you click on the Snow King Web cam... 'cause that's a block from Jeff's apartment, where I am at the moment).

I've got a lot to do on my day off!! 

I'm headed to Kmart to buy some essentials:
zip-side snow shell pants so I can easily layer over my jeans
long-handled window scraper (those dinky ones we use back home do NOT cut it)
Gators- so that the snow (which is higher than my snow boots) does not slip INSIDE my boots and make my feet wet and cold.
a second pair of long johns- seeing as I am wearing them everyday now
puffy vest (although I think I might be headed to the Brows-N-Buy Thrift shop for that)
water-proof gloves

Other essentials not so related to snow that I need:
paper towels

Also I have to go register my new vehicle and get my Wyoming Plates! how cool?!?!

Okay, well I'm off to get some things done!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Layering... it's not just for fashion anymore!


It's COLD. 

it's too cold to snow.  It's negative one. that's -1. One degree below ZERO, thirty three degrees below freezing! that's really really cold! and it's only December! 

We all know that layering is the way to go when it comes to fashion, I mean DUH! but it can also be a rather functional survival technique.  And it's used in more than one aspect in my life... 

 I wake up and put my socked feet into my  furry house slippers (thanks Momma Clause!!) (two layers)

When I get out of the shower, I wrap up in a towel, keep it on then layer my robe on top.

Getting dressed for work: bottom half: Capline 1 or tights (anything heavier is too hot to be indoors in) Jeans or other pant, then if it's blizzardy conditions or I plan to be walking around for long periods of time my snow pants will go on top.  The top half: bra, wicking tank top, long sleeved shirt (or Capline/Thermasilk/Polarmax base layer), sweater or second "cute" top, vest (sometimes), scarf, jacket, hat. 

do not forget the gloves!!

layering AT work: coffee. okay, it's not really a layer- but totally necessary for survival

Lunch: bread, meat, cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayo, bread...

then when I get home and get ready to go to bed my FAVORITE layering technique: making the bed. 

bottom layer: sheet, fleece blanket {ME} patchwork quilt, comforter (folded in half to make it two layers in itself) chenille blanket, ELU!!! always top off the layering with a nice think furry layer of DOG!!! It's the only way to survive Winter in Wyoming. 

I'm aware none of this is new, per se, but interesting none the less the added steps I go through that I wouldn't have to do in Alabama. 

OH, PS. the HEATED SEATS in the Subey are the bomb! My ass is so nice and warm when I get in my car.

Next on the list of things to purchase for the vehicle is an automatic engine starter!!!

Okie Dokie- off to snuggle in deep under all those layers! Night

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Subbie do be doo

Yesterday was the day that the 2008 Silver Subaru Outback, and I were finally fated to be together!

Now those of you that know me well, know that I've been wanting a station wagon for years now. And a Subbie to boot!!! Well let me introduce you to my new baby:

This is what she looks like from the passenger seat (Jeff was installing my Sirius radio at the time, so there are wires in all the pictures... don't worry, he was able to completely hide all the wires!)
Her from the front:
Another view

Baby got so much room for JUNK in the Trunk!!!! (and there's storage underneath that panel there)

AND there is "hidden" storage in the back as well. There are two little panels on either side of the hatch- one, however, is equipped with a cigarette lighter jack so that I can plug things in while camping... or whatever.

I would like to give a shout-out to those that made our Union possible:
Fay "Baby" Ireland- My wonderful and amazing Grandmother
Bill "ChooChoo" Ireland- and is fabulous gift of love
Kelly "Daddy" Ireland- for being the go-between, benefactor extordinair and moral support
Mitzi "Momma" Ireland- for not freaking out when I told her I wrecked my car, moral support, her excellent organizational skills and in general putting up with my sorry ass
Lola "lola" Harkins for giving me a place to stay and driving me around, and hooking me up with Abbey who sold me the vehicle.
That leads me to Abbey Smith- the coolest chick car dealer in Jackson!

If you need a car in Jackson, go see Abbey at Wolf Motors.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I did it...

I wrecked my car.

Sunday on the way to work at 6:30 in the morning, I'm running a little late, it's snowing.  I turned into the parking lot and skidded out, slid into the curb and (at least I thought) broke my axle.  I called Jeff and got him to pick me up, take me to my house to take a shower and get some clothes together. I ended up staying at his place in town so that I could walk to work on Monday.  I got the car towed to the shop.. yadda yadda yadda.  They called: bent frame. Bottom line is if I had collision insurance, I they would total it. Sadly, I do not hae collision, just liability! wow!! I'm a loser huh? 

SO the search is on for a new car.  The bodyshop will buy my car for $500. And then I can take that whopping $500 to the dealership and put it towards a new one. SO. any suggestions on the perfect car for me? Under $18,000. preferably AWD or 4WD. four doors. etc.

I'm looking at Subarus and small SUVs

I'll keep you updated!

Sunday, December 14, 2008


My friend Sarah is a snowboard instructor at the Jackson Hole Mountain Resort.
She offered to teach me how to snowboard in exchange for a couple of beers... sweet deal! I'm in! So off to the village we went. Here's a few highlights of my first day riding!

Me and Sarah upon arriving...
After about an hour I was able to link a few turns! 
I almost look cool here... 
I made this face a lot...

Overall it was a successful day! I will definitely be returning to the mountain many times this season.  Maybe by the end of the season I'll be able to ride more than the bunny hill =)

Friday, December 12, 2008


Today was a loooong day!! 6:30 to 9 am I covered part of Sarah's shift before heading to Jack Dennis from 10 to 7. But feet hurt and I'm very sleepy, but for some reason am unable to fall asleep, even though I know that I have to work at 6:30 tomorrow morning as well.  So this evening when I got home, I went to my room to have some alone, quite time making (I can't tell you what, because some of you may be receiving such crafty items in the mail for Christmas).  But upon getting settled into my bed/office/studio to work on said crafty items, I noticed my room is too cold to be in without being under mass amounts of covers.  Don't get me wrong, the large amount of blankets and sleeping bags on my bed sure are cozy when you're asleep, but not so conducive for using two hands.  SO I set out to make my room a little warmer. 

Here is how an outdoors woman can not only insulate her room, but also finally find a spot for all that gear that's not being used again until spring.  

That crash pad that won't get used until spring?? A little duct tape and a spare sleeping bag... 

Simply cover with window dressing...

And voila! you have yourself a padded headboard that doubles as a window insulate!!

Stay tuned for more installments of "Tricia's First (Real) Winter" 

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Your name is WHAT???

Things like this annoy me.

Just because you're famous is NO reason to name your kid such things! If any one of us (regular) people were to have grown up with a name like Bronx Mowgli, we would never ever have heard the end of it.  We would have been tormented and teased for our names.  But for some reason famous people think it's important to get your name out there, by using your kid.  I guess it's a pretty good marketing ploy.  I haven't heard a damn thing about Ashlee Simpson in a while, but now that her kid has some ridiculous name, her picture and name is all over Yahoo! news' featured list. But back to the fact at hand: this is a human life we're ruining for your marketing! I understand there are way worse things that could ruin a child's life, like poverty, fear in the home, drugs etc etc, but a name is something that they can never get away from! Names are important.

A name can define you, a name gives you a sense of self and belonging. You can't help but feel a connection (no matter how silly) when you meet someone with your name.   I always like it when I meet another Patricia. Granted, my name isn't all that common  (like Sarah or Elizabeth, where you gals probably meet people all the time with your name), but at least there are people in the world that share it.  I bet Bronx Mowgli will never meet anyone else with that name. With the exception of the cartoon character in the Jungle book.  I hope that when I have children, my husband reminds me that I want to wait until after the drugs and endorphins wear off to name the child. 

Call me old fashioned, call me southern, call me crazy, but I think that when you name a child, a human being, there should be some rules involved. Like family names with a modern twist can be cool; names that have a meaning, yet still have a flow to them are also okay.  Names of cities are generally a little weird... only a few work like Orlando (Bloom), or Marietta, Dallas is fine... I personally think I will name my son Birmingham... maybe Atlanta.  Names after cartoon characters are kinda weird...  Maybe Birmingham Shrek or Atlanta Mulan.  Yep! that's it, I hope I have twins so I don't have to pick between the two!!!

I'm just saying... 

Monday, December 1, 2008

Have we lost the Christmas Spirit???

Well, judging by this, I think we totally have!!!

I mean seriously, since when is a man's life less important than a "super deal" on some toys for your kid????  I can kinda understand how the tragic accident may have happened, but when the store announced its closing due to DEATH by TRAMPLING that you may or may not have been apart of, you should leave and let the man's coworkers deal with his death in peace, NOT, I repeat, NOT complain that you NEED to BUY STUFF and keep shopping! 

I cannot believe the nerve of some people, I mean it's not like it was THE WHO concert of 1977... 

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

this made me giggle! 
Why did the chicken cross the road? 

BARACK OBAMA : The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change ! The chicken wanted change ! 

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. 

HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me. 

GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. 

DICK CHENEY : Where's my gun? 

COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. 

BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken? 

AL GORE: I invented the chicken. 

JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. 

AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens. 

DR.. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems. 

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cr oss this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. 

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. 

NANCY GRACE : That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty ! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. 

PAT BUCHANAN : To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. 

MARTHA STEWART : No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. 

DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain, alone. 

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. 

BARBARA WALTERS : Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road. 

ARISTOTLE : It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. 

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace. 

BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot. 

ALBERT EINSTEIN : Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? 


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

This pretty much brought tears to my eyes.

check out the entire Playing for Change Website here.

or go to YouTube and see the other videos on there.
That link will take you to the above video, then to the right are the other ones from Playing for Change. 
so check it out

Sunday, November 23, 2008

A weekend Update

Totally meant to take my camera and take pictures, sorry for my lack of responsible blogging....

Friday night was "girls" night! and Oh how I love girls' night!!! Sarah, my friend form the Tonic Bar, and I decided to make it a night on the town.  I met her at her house and we walked into town to hit up the Cadillac Grille.  The Caddy is the best spot to start the night because it's pretty chill and reminds me of a 50's diner! Plus they have THE BEST happy hour in town: two for one (anything!!!).  SO we had a couple of cocktails, sent some guys a note across the bar (yes, a la high school) to inform them that we would be going to the Silver Dollar Bar and Grille at the Wort Hotel.  They met us there, because well, wouldn't you if two hot girls sent you a note!  We had some drinks there, danced a touch to the band and then ventured out to 43 North for 80's night! Now, this is THE "dance club" in Jackson.  It's where everyone goes on Friday night, because there are a total of five places to go. 

 There seems to be a locals following.  Every Tuesday, it's the Wort for Bluegrass, Wednesday is Whiskey Wednesday at Cutty's and then Karaoke at the Virginian (Affectionately known as the Virg.) and then Thursday night is Ladies' night at the Tavern, Friday 43 and I have no idea what goes on Saturday night, because I have to work at 6am on Sundays.  (that is in no way saying that I go out every night of the week, but some weeks it may be a Tuesday and some weeks a Wednesday and so forth).  

Anyway, my night was amazing! I had fun, and very little drama occurred, except for the time that some guy bumped into me and I tried to getup in his face, luckily for him, he promptly apologized for causing me to spill my dink, and offered to buy me a new one. Luckily for his pocket, I only spilled a little and it was my last drink anyway, so I thanked him for his graciousness and declined the new drink.  

Saturday was a lazy day: started off with some breakfast with Sarah and her boyfriend at Bubba's (no website to link you to, but trust me it's pretty good!!) followed by some much needed couch snuggling with Elu.  Then Elu and I ventured into town to do a little shopping and walking around the square.  We picked up (way too much) Mexican food and went to watch football over at Jeff's new pad.  He's got quite the set up: two beds, a tv with free cable, all the hot water and heat you could shake a stick at and maid service! Sadly, living in a hotel does not give you the best set up for a kitchen, hence the mass amounts of Mexican food. 

Well, there ya go, a recap on my weekend.  

My Mom and Sister come out this week for Turkey Day, and I will be trying my first ever attempt at cooking a bird, wish me luck!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Starting in December, I will be picking up full time hours at the Tonic Bar! I'm so excited! I can't wait to have just one job with a set schedule and actually have two days off every week!!!!

In other news, I went out last night for a much needed night on the town with some friends from work.  It was a BALL!! Jake and Nicole and I went to Bluegrass at the Wort and then to 43 North for some dance party times! I have been hurting today though.  I guess a night of fun is worth a day of hell, just as long as I don't let it happen too often! 

The roommates are back from Vegas, and Jeff is moved out.  I think things should be calming down now that we're settling in for the winter.  My schedule is slowing down, Shane's is too.  Brandi's out of the country for a few weeks and the house seems to be settling into a "groove".

I'm really scatterbrained today.

I'm starting a blog for the Tonic Bar, so check it out in the next couple of days and let me know what you think. I hope to have pictures and a menu link and other stuff... it should be something to keep me occupied and out of the bars for a while =)

OKAY, off to go see a movie in town now. 

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

my new obsession...

I know that people have been saying it for centuries... but I am living proof: Exercise MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER!!!

I mean, seriously yo, Since Friday my life has done a 180.  I went from being tired all the time and kinda miserable to energetic and happy all because I have started working out again.  I WANT to go to bed early so that I can get up in the morning and go work out! This morning I woke up (when I don't have to be at work until 1:30 AND without an alarm clock) at 7:45 raring to go! I made a cup of coffee, drank it, let the dog out, talked to Jeff for a minute while he got ready and then went to the gym.  I did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine (2 miles give or take) and then 20 minutes on the bike (about 5 miles) and then a grand total of 5 minutes on the stair step- that thing HURTS!!

Then I did some weights and core work out.  I didn't climb today because I want to alternate climbing and weights until I feel strong enough to do both in the same day.  I think that I'm going to start going 5 days a week.  That's the three days that I work at the grocer (my schedule is more conducive on those days), my day off, and one day that I'm at Jack Dennis.  

On other news: I may be able to go full time at the Grocer, in which case I will most likely either only work one day a week or just quit Jack Dennis.  If I work 40 hours a week at $11/hour I think I can make rent and bills (especially seeing that I work at a grocery store where my food is discounted)! Maybe I'll pick up a babysitting or cocktail waitress gig one or two nights a week; we shall see.

On other other news: My friend Zach (the one I'm in the race to the finish with to lose weight) and I are thinking of taking up cross country skiing this winter.  It's $150 to rent a set of boots, XC skis and poles for the season! I still want to take up snowboarding as well, but I think that XC would be really cool for photography, dog running, exercise and in general being outside for less money than the mountain will cost.  I don't want to get a season pass for the Village, WAY too pricey, but I would like to get a ten day pass to Snow King and just rent a snowboard get up for the season as well.  I'll have to look into the money situation.  BUT, I did quit drinking, so I can re-channel that money into something productive. 

Okay, I've got to be at work in an hour, so I guess I'm going to go now! I'll leave you with this ('cause I know you miss my face!!):

Monday, November 10, 2008


Monday Monday!

Good morning! 

I woke up at 7:30 this morning to get to work at 8:15 at Jack Dennis.  I let the dog out, brushed my teeth, got dressed, fixed my hair (even threw on some Mascara)- in preparation of a long day at two jobs- and ran out the door.  I got half way to town and it popped up that I had a voice mail on my cell phone (I don't have cell service at my house).  So I check my message and it's work (Jack Dennis) telling me that I'm not scheduled until Wednesday.  SO... I turn around and head back to the house. 

Normally, I would go back to sleep and wake up at a more reasonable hour, but I got 9 hours of sleep last night and feel pretty awake and energetic.  So here I am... watching Days of Our Lives (from Friday on Soap Net) and drinking coffee.  Elu is snuggling with me and Zion is on the floor.  Jeff and Megan already left for work and Brandi, Shane and Liz are still sleeping, so I have the TV to myself and the peace and quiet to do a little blogging.  

I finally had a day off on Friday! Didn't do a whole lot that I would consider exciting.  I did fix up my room a little though.  Since I am far from what someone might call "rich," I bought a $3 climbing magazine and cut out pictures to create my wall-hangings. 

The exciting part of my day was joining the gym.  I joined the Enclosure.  AND the race is ON to loose 20 pounds by spring! And by summer I'll be in shape enough to climb the Grand! (Teton that is).  

I'm in a "race" with my friend Zach to get in shape.  He's a photographer and does a lot of really arty photos with dancers and climbers and whatnot- so my prize for getting in super hot shape is a photo shoot with Zach! It sounds narcissistic but it's the best motivation for me to get in shape: to have smokin', arty pics of me climbing that one day when I'm old and wrinkly, my grandkids can see that I wasn't alway that way. 

Okay, well I'm off to the gym now- Guess it's never too early to get the ball rollin' on this hot body! 

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

You had a bad day....

I just wanted to give a shout-out to my best friend in the world. Megan Gowers is always there for me! Even 1800 miles away, she's there. She's the only person that can pretty much remind me that I'm being a crazy stupid girl without making me feel bad about being a crazy stupid girl.

I was having a rough day. I broke down at work for no particularly good reason (there was a trigger for my break down, but it wasn't really something worth crying over). So I took a break to go outside and call Megan. She talked me down, bringing to the forefront the underlying problem: I'm home sick. She said it point blank, "Tricia, you're home sick and you've been working so much that you've just worn yourself out with worry and stress." She was so right. Once I admitted to myself that I miss Alabama (gasp!) I started to feel better. I do have friends out here, but none that will EVER, EVER compare to my friendship with Megan.

God knows that Megan and I have not been without our fair share of issues. I've done some things and said somethings and NOT done some things that have put a strain on our friendship, and she's done some things to piss me off as well, but we're still friends and will always be, regardless of distance and time.

go big blue... I'm not talking Auburn this time

Oh how I love the internet and it's circulation of silly little excerpts from people... I found this one courtesy of myspace and thought I would share... I realize that this means I will have to move again in order to live in a "blue state" but I'm surrounded by them, so it won't be that far to move. AND before you go getting offended, I didn't write this and I just thought it was FUNNY!!! m'kay. now enjoy.

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware,
that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota,
Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

It may even include Florida and Ohio, they are seriously considering it.

We've given them until Nov. 4th to decide.

We believe this split will be beneficial to
the nation, and especially to the people of the new country.

Since we're dropping the middle states we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get the Statue of Liberty.

You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent.

We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel.

You get WorldCom.

We get Intel and Microsoft.

You get Ole' Miss.

We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get wo-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their
fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.

You get a bunch of single moms, and the highest concentration of pregnant unwed teenagers.

Please be aware that the U.A.

will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going
to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, really we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

We'd rather spend it on taking care of sick people, and educating our children.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S.

low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe you are people with higher morals then we Bluies.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States