Tuesday, August 26, 2008

She's only happy when it's raining

Apparently Faye has made her way to Birmingham. It's been raining for the better part of the night.

Lately I've become a bit of a night owl, I mean, I always have been. I prefer to sleep late and stay up late and although I know it's not really all that good for me, I don't really care. I like the night time. The only thing better than night time is night time with a good heavy rain beating down all around you.

As I sit here snuggled on the couch with my love, Elu, I have started to feel extremely nostalgic, if that's the emotion I'm looking for, maybe it's a little of hope mixed in with it. I know that rain can be a damper to several things, things I like to do, like be outside climbing and camping, etc. but much more than the fact that it can ruin certain human plans, it is a cycle of nature; one that we need. Rain is the beginning of new life, we need rain to give nutrients to the soil to help plants grow and plant life is just the beginning of the food chain, you know the rest: animals eat vegetation and so on and so forth, the cycle continues and life is sustained. Rain comes in more forms than just precipitation. Rain can come in your life too.

"Rain" can be a break-up, a change in job, anything where you feel like things are just crashing down around you... but if those things didn't crash down, like a giant tree in the rain forest, there would be no room for new growth in your life. Things have to come to an end in order for new things to start.

Like this move: There are people in my life, here in Birmingham that I am absolutely devastated to leave behind, but in order to fully grow and mature, I have to make room in my life. My life, metaphorically and literally is so very crowded with stuff. My house is crammed full of crap. Stuff that I don't need, stuff that I feel I need to hold onto forever, for no particular reason. Also my life is filled with emotional stuff. This town holds my entire life wrapped up in it's buildings, gutters, streets, residents, and even the smog. I have a memory of almost every major place in this town, everywhere I frequent holds my stories, both good and bad and most people I hang out with know the good bad and the ugly about me. For the most part it's very very comforting to be able to walk into a place that you know like the back of your hand and expect to see at least five people you know, and they know you. To be greeted by your first name when you walk in the door and asked about your day, as if people really care. In that respect, I'm terrified to leave this town. My mother is five blocks away if I ever need her, my best friends are 10 and 20 minutes from my house, and could be here at a moments notice if I needed them. When I move, I'll only know one person, and although she's a wonderful person, what if living out there she's the only person I'll ever make friends with?

Oh the what--ifs, I know I'll be fine, and if I'm not then I can come home, home's not going anywhere. But I know that I need to give myself some room to grow. It's time I venture out on my own, away from my comfort zone and let the proverbial (and hopefully some real) rain drops hit my face.

So I don't like to sing that old kids' song "rain rain go away." instead let's embrace the rain and see what new life pops up with the sun comes out.

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