Saturday, July 19, 2008
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. - Mahatma Gandhi
I have hit a wall. Emotionally.
I have lost it.
I need to find it again.
This move to Jackson could not come at a better time in my life. Soul searching is a necessity. I'm hoping that a week spent with my family far away from all the drama in Birmingham will help kick-start some me time.
self reflection time.
I want to learn how to meditate. I think that it would be a very good thing for me to do. In the book Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about her journey to finding herself. She went across the world, I'm going across the country. She spent three months in Italy concentrating on pleasure, self indulgence, doing what she wanted when she wanted... I've pretty much been doing that for the past three months here in Birmingham (although I think she may have more self control than I). Then she spent three months in India focusing on internal peace and religion. She stays at an Ashram and spends her days devoting her life to a higher power.
This is the next step in my journey. I need to find something that I can really believe in and get behind. I'm having trouble doing that with the church. I am not entirely interested in organized, political religion. I just want to find God again. So, here's my wall. I have all these toxic emotions running through my soul. My energy is bad. I need a cleansing and a new beginning. I would love to find a Guru.
Okay, so just to round out the explanation of the book: after three months devoting her life to another, higher power, Elizabeth goes to Indonesia to try and find a balance between the two: pleasure and devotion.
but I still need to get through step 2 first. Back to basics:
I'm having a garage sale: cleansing myself of all that is the past. I'm getting rid of all of it. (well, most all of it, things that I don't want to get rid of are going in storage) But downsizing into a car, will really help me come to terms with the fact that I don't NEED ALL THIS STUFF.
I don't NEED to have all the latest toys. I don't NEED things.
I have a shopping compulsion. I like to spend money that I don't have on things I don't need. Living out of my car and living on the cheap is going to be a HUGE challenge for me, and I think (I really really hope) it will ground me some.
Second, I'm hoping that the nature tour 08 will help me rediscover God. This country is going to shit. but when you get away from all the politics, the TV, the computer (yeah right, I'll still be blogging when I can) and the cell phones and the over-all plugged-in-ness that bombards us everyday, hopefully there will be room for God again.
my minimalist portion of the journey will only last a month, not all of us have the luxury of hiding in India to reach enlightenment, but then when I arrive in Wyoming, I will have cleansed and lived. Maybe I will be able to find balance.